Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferazzi | Book Summary & PDF

Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time by Keith Ferazzi is a great book about building relationships that last a lifetime.

In the Never Eat Alone summary PDF, you will find nuggets of wisdom including:

5 mindsets that are important in building lifelong relationships
4 strategies to win the game of relationships
The importance of having mentors in your life and how to get one
A guide for creating a Relationship Action Plan
6 tips in expanding your circle

Download Never Eat Alone PDF of the book summary here.

5 Key Mindsets of Networking

1. If you want to go far, go with others

Never Eat Alone Keith Ferazzi pdf — Go with others

First, one has to have this idea that he can’t go very far alone. There is an African proverb that addresses that:

“If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go with others.”

This makes sense in the African savannah, where if you go by yourself you can run fast, but you may not survive the jungle for too long.

On the other hand, going with others — working or cooperating with them — can get you much farther (even though it might be a little slower initially.)

Thus, we need to realize that nobody can do great things all alone. Realize that it’s just not the way the world works.

If one is trying to do it all alone because he has this idea that he can figure it all out, he needs to get the idea out of his head.

Insisting on figuring it all alone is a recipe for a long-term failure, even if in the short term he might feel successful.

2. Plant seeds

Building relationships is like planting seeds. You are planting seeds for the long-term.

Never Eat Alone pdf — Building relationships is like planting seeds

Think LONG-TERM. You want to go with others LONG-TERM. You would want to involve others, which is the idea behind the book’s title, Never Eat Alone.

This means we are not trying to eat the fruits from the plant today. We are planting the seeds today for those relationships that over time will grow, develop, and give us results or tremendous fruits.

Going for the short-term mentality by just taking the fruits will not leave us with anything for the long-term.

Relationship building is a long-term game. You have to have this long-term vision in mind.

3. Ask for advice

A great mindset that one can adopt when it comes to building relationships, and in going after your dreams, is to ASK.

Ask for what you are going after.
Ask the people that you think are important. They’re going to be able to help.

It’s like dating. It’s like asking a girl to go on a date with you even if you’re going to get rejected.

You have to put yourself out there and in the process you will profit.

The probability that one will get rejected is all part of the game. That is part of relationship-building efforts.

One cannot just shy away from asking for what is important, thus, one must develop a habit of ASKING for what is important to you.

4. Grow your relationships exponentially

The power or strength of our relationship grows exponentially with the number of users in it.

It’s actually N-squared – square the number of users. If you just have one person, it would be just one. If you have two, N-square power of relationships will be four; three it would be nine. So, if you go to 5 people, then it would be 25. If you go to 10 people, the power would be 100. If you have 100, now we are talking 10,000.

Broadening your relationships will pay off over time.

When you understand that the power of your relationships will grow exponentially, over time it will pay off. Therefore, invest in the number. The following are just a few of the ways to do that:

Try to get to relationships
Broaden your horizons
Expand the number of people you’re going to involve yourself with

5. Give to get

Dale Carnegie had said:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

There indeed is power in relationships when you give.

It activates relationships.
It gives you a lot more possibility of long-term results for yourself.

On the other hand, having a “taker mentality” — where one just wants to take, take, take — doesn’t leave that person much to take in the long-term. He will not be successful.

In relationships, the payoffs are much bigger when you GIVE. It’s a paradoxical thing and I talk a lot about paradox in life.

“To get, you must give” is one of the paradoxes in life – because if you just take, you will not really be able to make much progress. You will not be able to go far and you will not be able to get much out of life.

4 Strategies for Building Relationships

1. Have Mentors

Understand that you need to have mentors in your life. Here are their attributes:

Someone who is better than you
Has walked the path that you are walking
Will help you move in the direction that you want
Can help you in your progress
Can get you much farther than you could go all by yourself.

Keys to getting mentors

Help your mentors. Figure out how you can be of help to them or how you can be of service to them. Again, It’s not a take, take, take relationship where you will just take everything from your mentors. It’s a relationship of giving where you try to figure out how you can help them.
- Remember that no matter how big they are, no matter how small you are, there’s always something you can give to them to make their lives better.
- So think about them as much as you think about just yourself.
Establish an emotional connection between you and the mentor.
- In this way, your mentor feels a sense of emotional connection with you: he wants to help you out, he wants to see you grow bigger and better and more powerful.
- He wants to see you become his equal. That’s how emotionally involved you want your mentor to be. A mentor is really emotionally invested in your success.
- He is not looking for financial gain from you but will work with you to help you become successful.

What makes a mentor different from a coach

Usually, a lot of mentorship programs are very formalized. This is when you pay for the mentor. But these programs don’t work very well because they’re more like coaches, which is a very different thing from a mentor.

A mentor is someone emotionally invested in your success. They’re not looking for a financial gain out of you in order for you to be successful.

2. Host Dinner Parties

The second important strategy to build a relationship is hosting “dinner parties.” It’s really something I have used, and I have found so much value from this strategy. I’ve had so many great connections because of these parties that I’ve hosted.

Keith Ferazzi has built so many great connections as a result of these parties he was able to put together. Every week, he invited new people into his circle, got a conversation going and connected to people. As a result, his relationships grew over time.

How big should the party be?

Have a small, intimate group. 6-10 people is good enough.

Keith Ferazzi used to do that every week when he would invite new people into his circle and to his dinner parties. He gets the conversation going and connects the people. As a result, his relationships would improve over time.

What about the budget?

A lot of people think that the budget is a problem. It doesn’t really matter. It could be really low budget or it could be a high budget — it’s really up to you.

Just don’t let the budget stop you from doing it. If you have to serve pizza and salad, that’s fine. Or if you have to cook it, that’s fine as well. If all you want to do is serve wine and cheese, sometimes that’s fine too.

It also helps to have a theme for the party.

Who should organize it?

While it helps to have a team to organize the party, it’s not really required. You being the host of the party will really help you develop your relationships.

How often should it be?

Put a cadence to these parties together. Trying to do them on a weekly basis will help you get new people into your life and also solidify the connections you have with the people existing in your life.

What matters:

Just understand that getting people together is highly important.

3. Do the Things You’re Passionate About and Involve Others

Find things you’re passionate about and do those things. You cannot try to do things you’re NOT passionate about and hope that other people will join you. They will not. In fact, even if you go out and do other things there, you will never have a following. You will never have people who are excited about what they’re doing.
Passion is contagious. It is important to involve other people in those things. You really come alive when you’re passionate about something, and when you’re passionate about something, it is contagious.

EXAMPLE: When I go rock climbing, I invite all my friends even if they have never done it. I invite them because I am excited about it. I’m passionate about it and I know my friends will have a good time just as long as I’m having a good time.

When I go sailing, it’s the same thing. I’m excited about it. Inviting my friends to go sailing together really helps me build my connections with them rather than just going to a bar to hang out. While it’s okay once in a while, it doesn’t necessarily have the same passion, fun, excitement and connection that I have when I go rock climbing, sailing or when I go traveling with my friends.

The quality of time you spend with people is way more important than the quantity of time. So focus on quality. Quality of time will give you better quality relationships.

Develop more trust

Suppose you meet someone at a networking event or in a bar. How much trust do you have in this person? How much can you really let your guard down with this person?

Now compare this to someone whom you met by following a passion, like rock climbing or attending a yoga class. Suppose you all went out together for some rock climbing where you were helping each other out. You were the one helping this other person while they were holding on to their dear life. You are helping them get up the rocks and get down; any mistake might cause them to fall down.

When you do something like that in such situation, how much more trust have you developed with that person? It doesn’t even matter if that person might be way higher up in the ranks of whatever you are doing.

By doing the things that you’re all passionate about, you’re all equal. You’re all enjoying it.
If you are better than them at that craft or passion, they’ll look up to you in some ways when it comes to that craft.

So realize that passion is contagious and is important when you put together your events or the things you do.

Whenever I want to do something that I enjoy, I’m going to invite other people. I’m going to put things on my calendar that I enjoy, and then I’m going to let others join as well. What it does is — every time I’m out to do something fun, I have other friends. I have other people that I’m connecting with, so it makes for a really good way to connect with people rather than just going out to a restaurant.

4. Have a Relationship Action Plan

(You can download a simplified Relationship Action Plan pdf from Keith Ferazzi’s website)

In order to create a Relationship Action plan, identify the following factors:

Your goal/s
The people who are going to help you with these goals
How often you want to see them – daily basis, monthly basis, or yearly basis

Put together a plan on how are you going to do this, where are you going to meet them, how often are you going to meet them. Some of them would join your rock climbing or sailing; others would come to your dinner party or yoga classes. Figure out your relationship action plan because it will really help you get your relationships moving.

A Guide for Expanding Your Circle

Connect your circle with someone else’s. This is the most efficient way to enlarge and tap the full potential of your circle of friends.
- 2 Rules of Thumbs:
  - You and the person you are sharing contacts with must be equal partners that give as much as they get
  - You must be able to trust your partners
See each person in your network as a partner. Example: You and your friend alternatively hold dinner parties where you invite your list of friends and he/she invites hers to that party.
If you want access to a certain world, find a central figure within that world to act as your one-person/host-committee.
Never forget the person who brought you to the dance.
Every contact is a gatekeeper to a whole new world.
Never give any one person complete access to your entire list of contacts.

Visit www.keithferazzi.com to learn more about the author and his work.