Dr Kristin Neff, says that it’s time to “stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind.” Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind offers expert advice on how to limit self-criticism and offset its negative effects, enabling you to achieve your highest potential and a more contented, fulfilled life.

More and more, psychologists are turning away from an emphasis on self-esteem and moving toward self-compassion in the treatment of their patients—and Dr. Neff’s extraordinary book offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living.  

 Big Ideas

What happens when you don’t make your goals – Do you act like an inner ally or an inner enemy? 

  1. Most people start attacking themselves when they don’t accomplish their goals
  2. Most people stop going for big goals because they are scared of their inner critic who will beat them up if they fail.
  3. Self-compassionate people:
    • Say “Just because I failed doesn’t mean I am a failure”
    • Objectively look at what happened
    • Use constructive criticism rather than slamming themselves
    • Are less afraid of failure because it is safe to try and fail
    • They increase their chances of success because they have less anxiety.

Research on students studying for a test:

  • Self-compassionate group spent more time studying after a “failure” compared to the non compassionate group.

Self-compassion doesn’t mean hiding the truth

  1. It means being OK with the truth.
  2. Its safe to see where you went wrong
  3. You are not scared to admit it
  4. It allows you to see things more objectively
  5. But its never focussed on your worth as a human being.
  6. Honest and kind
    • Not indulgent
  7. It is conscious, clear, honest kindness towards ourselves

3 Components of Self-Compassion 

  1. Kindness towards ourselves
  2. Sense of common humanity
    • We are all imperfect
    • We all encounter challenges – Everyone is going through their challenges in life. We are not alone in this suffering.
    • This is part of being human
    • Life is difficult for everyone
    • Who said you shouldn’t be failing
  3. Mindfulness
    • Being willing to face what we are avoiding
    • Facing our challenges and feelings rather than running from them

 

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